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« New Year’s Eve: Just Say "No" | Main | 7 Tips to Getting Your Girlfriend a Great Christmas Gift »
Saturday
Dec252010

Silent Night, Horny Night…  

Why women should ban the one-night stand.

During the holidays, we are prone to being lonely and more vulnerable than usual. Thanksgiving gave us time to reflect on those things we are thankful for.  With Christmas and New Year’s upon us, we obsess over the things we didn’t accomplish and desperately try to fill the voids in our lives.  If one of those voids happens to be “boyfriend”, we can make some downright foolish decisions. That’s why it’s important to keep your panties on this holiday season. Don’t start spreading your legs for every Tom, Dick and Horny you meet between now and the end of the year.  It’s not going to land you a husband and will most assuredly land you an STD.  You’re familiar with the old adage, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”  I don’t like referring to any woman as a cow – although a few who have crossed me are deserving of the nomenclature – the point of the expression is what’s important.  What guy is going to take a woman seriously if he can get what he wants without consequence?

I used to have a girlfriend who had regular booty-calls with a number of men. She referred to them as her “rotation”.  They referred to her as easy.  They would call her late at night when they were horny or simply show up on her front door and she would fuck and suck them until they were satiated.  She thought she was cool – one of the guys – because she could have casual sex like a man without emotion.  She thought this gave her a sense of equality and empowerment.  What it really gave her was a raging case of genital warts and a realization that she needed to go to therapy. All this was the lovely by-product from a fucked up childhood of sexual abuse.  Now in her forties, she still does not fully grasp how destructive the one-night stand routine was to her self-esteem.

Forewarned is forearmed: women excrete a hormone called Oxytocin commonly referred to as “the love drug” when they have sex, which makes them connect emotionally and feel like they are in love. This anti-anxiety hormone exists so women will have a desire for sex, nesting, and procreation.  Let’s face it.  If we didn’t get warm, fuzzy feelings while having sex, why in God’s name would we ever get it on with our hairy, smelly, sexual counterparts?  It is easy to fall victim to the one-night stand, as we all want to feel good for a little while.  But once the effects of the hormone wear off, we are left with a sense of loneliness and disappointment that triggers all sorts of low self-esteem issues.  I say this with full admission to having been through my own booty-call era. I am now imbued with oodles of self-esteem, and while some people like to label it negatively as ‘entitled’ or ‘arrogant’, nobody will ever take it away from me. 

Aretha Franklin said it best.  R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  Find out what it means to me – and other women like me.  There is no respect in a one-night stand. I am not down with the dinner-equals-sex model of dating that is prevalent in today’s society. Dinner does not equal sex, and neither do a few shots of tequila late night at a seedy bar. Ladies, stop selling yourself and all women short. If you want a man to respect you then respect yourself and ban the one-night stand. Instead of welcoming one of Santa's misfit toys into your bed for a night and regretting it the next day and for weeks to come while you wait for him to call – which he won’t unless he’s looking for another booty call – pop in an Andrew Blake DVD, pull out The Rabbit or one of the many other satiating toys that are collecting dust in your nightstand drawer and have yourself a merry little Christmas - alone. If you do slip up and let some perfect stranger go downtown for a little holiday cheer, here’s hoping he doesn’t leave you any unwelcome gifts under your Christmas tree, bush or landing strip.  

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Reader Comments (4)

This is so "spot-on" Lennie. So very true.....humorous, yet so true!

December 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

Thank you. Happy Holidays!

December 25, 2010 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

Well Lennie, I think most of this is correct. However, I do have to say that for some women there is nothing more satisfying than the occasional casual encounter. This is not to say I indulged (or ever have for that matter) in one night stands. But I do have a similar version of what your friend delicately coined her 'rotation'; the difference is that my rotation consists of guys that I would date if I had any time or energy to dedicate to anything other than making sure I eat once or twice a day and sleep a couple hours a night (which is a fleeting ability juggling two jobs in these woeful economic times.) I realize now that I am rambling. Simply put, I think there is a correct way to indulge. Safety first. Know your suitors. Know where they sleep. Most importantly, know yourself. Don't confuse a fun soiree as any sort of therapy for "a fucked up childhood". This man probably doesn't care, but you should. If you fully appreciate the gravity of the situation and you don't harbor unrealistic expectations. Carpe Noctem! :)

December 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHannah

Indeed a regular f@*k buddy is somewhat more appropriate than a one night stand. In the case of my former girlfriend her rotation of men was robbing her of her soul. One must choose wisely with a f@*k buddy. Buddy is the operative word. Respect is still key. I empathize with the lack time, the multiple jobs/careers. It is not easy, particularly for women, which is why I firmly believe we should be conscious of how our sexual choices impact our self-esteem.

December 25, 2010 | Registered CommenterLennie Ross

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