Long before The Secret, I had a boyfriend who made me a “vision board” by pasting photos, words and magazine clippings on a big piece of construction paper. It represented who I was and where I wanted to go in life. While this man never supported me financially (in fact, it was the other way around), he got bonus points for being emotionally supportive of my career. Without him, I would have never become a writer nor would I have moved to the United States.
He was the little voice that said “you can do this” as I wrote magazine articles for 50 cents a word and copy for medical brochures (yawn) and real estate brochures (more yawns). I would come home after a long day at my ‘paying gig’ of producing commercials, and he would have music playing, champagne to toast the sunset together, and a bubble bath drawn and lined with candles for me to unwind in while he prepared a gourmet dinner. For years I had the vision board on my wall, probably right until The Secret became popular. Then I tucked it away somewhere, a little embarrassed that it was now the thing to do.
After retiring the vision board, I started making a list each year of the top ten things I wanted to accomplish. I would post it on the bulletin board above my desk and regard it as a kind of a wish list. Some things were material, some were less tangible, but they were all landmarks in my life, such as owning a home, writing a novel, and selling a screenplay. I stopped doing the list a few years ago and recently came across the last list I had made. I had accomplished eight of the ten items. Call them resolutions, call them goals, they had almost all come true. Maybe there is something to committing one’s visions to paper. This got me thinking. New Year’s resolutions tend to be things like losing weight, quitting smoking, or getting out of debt. Where’s the fun in that?
Allow me to suggest 5 dating resolutions for 2011:
Join A Dating Service And Go On A Date A Week: That’s 52 dates in a year. Finding a partner is a numbers game. Need I remind you from my Pardon Me For Sticking My Tongue Down Your Throat blog, there are roughly 310 million people in the United States, approximately 155 million of each sex, so fifty-two dates is a mere drop in the bucket – but at least a good start. It doesn’t matter if the dates are 5 minutes long or 5 hours long. The point is to get out there and date.
Go To Every Social Event You Are Invited To: How many times do you say ‘no’ or ‘maybe’ or not even respond to an invitation to a party or a dinner? And how in God’s name are you going to find someone if you don’t leave the house? Socialize, socialize, socialize. You never know where you’re going to meet someone.
Make New Friends: Facebook is great, but most of those are virtual friends or people who you never see, because they live far away. Go out of your way to talk to people, whether you chit-chat in the elevator or make nice with the people at the table next to you when you’re out for dinner. People know people. If you make new friends, your new friends may know someone just perfect for you. Treat your dating life, like it’s a business. It’s all about networking.
If Someone Sets You Up On A Blind Date, Say Yes: Sure, it may be agony (like one I recently went on) and it may cause some temporary awkwardness between you and your friend who set you up, but it’s better than sitting at home watching Hawaii Five-O and dreaming of dating Scott Caan (yum!) or Alex O’Loughlin (double yum!). Your friend meant well and may be confused at how his/her matchmaking skills failed, but may get it right the next time.
Go To Restaurants Alone and Sit At The Bar: Restaurants with bar dining trump conventional bars for meeting quality guys. Some great places in Los Angeles for this kind of dining, where you won’t feel like a loser eating alone and are likely to strike up a conversation with the person next to you who is also likely eating alone, or there with a friend of the same sex (thereby increasing your odds) are Cecconi’s, Bouchon Bistro, Osteria Mozza, Pizzeria Mozza, and XIV. I have met interesting men at all of these places.