INTEGRITY in a Break up

A little over a year ago, I left a long-term relationship. I could have written a note. I could have sent an email. I could have left a post-it on the fridge. Instead, I wrote a three-page letter, which I read to him with tears streaming down my face as I explained how he had disappointed me, how he had not respected me, how he said I was his everything, yet treated me like I was nothing but a burden. By the end of the break-up conversation, it was a mutual agreement that we couldn’t go on. He could not/would not give me what I needed, and so I had to leave. We agreed to be friends and to be respectful of each other. Who knew what the future would hold? We might be back together a year down the road when circumstances were different. We even went for dinner, spent one final night together, and kissed each other good-bye the next morning.

At his insistence, I had made some pretty serious compromises in my life. I had given up my career. I had agreed to move to a rural town in Northern California and to give up my friends and my world to build a life with this man. If things didn’t work out, his life would be fine; mine would be a disaster. We had talked about marriage, but even after a lengthy relationship, he was in no hurry to remarry a fourth time—even to “the love of his life.” I asked him to provide me with some kind of financial consideration if things didn’t work out. He verbally agreed that if things didn’t work out and I left he would give me a certain (small) sum to help me get back on my feet; and, if he ended the relationship,  there would be one and a half times that (small) sum.

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It Takes Two…

I read a great post recently on Maneatersblog called You Didn’t See It Coming? Really?  And I had to put in my two cents. I often overhear (in elevators, at restaurants) and read (on Facebook and Twitter) some downright NASTY comments being made by scorned women. Now, I’m sure there are just as many cuckolded men out there—women cheat too—and women leave too—but men aren’t in the habit of airing their dirty laundry publicly. They just cut their losses and move on, like they would with any other business deal gone awry. And you women who say a relationship isn’t a business relationship… bullshit! But that’s another story all together.

One of the comments I read recently went something like this:

“At first I was angry. It’s time to hit him in the pocket book! What fun I’m going to have,” and then continued with “I’m gonna get my divorce one way or another…he will regret this.”

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What Not To Do After A Break Up

According to Neil Sedaka, breaking up is hard to do. Nobody said it was gonna be easy. A woman can make a break up even harder on herself by doing the wrong things instead of the right things.  Here are three things a woman should not do right after a break up and why:

Trash Your X On Facebook: Even if you are bitter, there is no point in telling all your friends and their friends how you feel. Talking trash about your X may feel good, but it will only make you look bad, and it may alienate the people close to you. Instead, write it all out in a letter. Vent until your heart is content. Mail yourself the letter, and keep it unopened for a month. After a month, open it. You will see the progress you made and be glad you didn’t share those thoughts with your friends, family and co-workers. Then you can take a match to the letter and burn it along with those bad memories.

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Love On The Rocks

© Glenn Francis, www.PacificProDigital.com

Ain’t no big surprise. Pour me a drink, and I’ll tell you some lies. Oh, Neil Diamond, you had me with Shalom.

It seems every week another politician gets caught in a sex scandal and screws up his marriage. It started in 2008 with Elliot Spitzer hiring Emperors Club VIP escort Kristen (Ashley Dupré). In the past 60 days, we found out Arnold Schwarzenegger has a 10-year old illegitimate child with the housekeeper, John Edwards was indicted for allegedly using campaign funds to cover up the affair and pregnancy he had with his mistress Rielle Hunter while his wife was dying of cancer, and US Representative Anthony Weiner was caught with this pants down (but not his underpants) sending sexual photos and sexts to a woman in Seattle through his Twitter account and is now seeking sex rehabilitation to save face and try to save his career.

With so much sex scandal going on under the public eye, one can only imagine how much transpires in the private sector. Politicians are not alone in the scandals. Celebrities swap spouses as often as they trade in their luxury vehicles.

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Why I'm Not Married

It's June. Wedding season is officially here, having been kicked off in April by the royal wedding. Hugh Hefner is marrying his child bride on June 18th and Kim Kardashian just got weighted down with a 20.5 carat engagement ring worth a little over 2 million dollars. Love is in the air—or at least celebrity marriages are lofting about. Am I feeling left out? Not really.

I recently read an article in Marie-Claire called Did You Marry The Wrong Guy? Typical women’s magazine subject matter—but effective. It got me thinking about my life and why I’m not married. I know why I’m not married, but it’s a question often asked by the men I date. They are looking for something wrong with me. They are looking for a flaw. Once bitten, twice shy. Too good to be true. All that jazz. Why can’t they just recognize a good thing when they see it and say “wow, where have you been all my life?” and quickly put a ring on my finger, before some other man gets the same idea.

While I don’t try to pass myself off as internally flawless, the rating given to the most pure diamonds, I do consider myself to be VVS1—or very very slightly imperfect.

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